areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
