just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
