I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
