Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
