I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
