I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm at about main and main street
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
