Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
