so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
