I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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