i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
