I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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