yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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