Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
