he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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