your room smells of hookers.
And success
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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