Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
