Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
