The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
