You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
