Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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