you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
