just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
