No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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