I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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