there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
