you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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