He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
