Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
