Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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