i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
