Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
