party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
