Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
