I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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