I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
