She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at about main and main street
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
