My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
