ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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