My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
