Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
organizing the empties. That sober.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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