I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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