did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
