scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
