Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
