How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
