I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
