Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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