love makes seman taste better
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
