so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
