Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
