So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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