Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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