New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize