Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
