how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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