Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
