i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
