I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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