hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
